Divided Rainbow
by Mike Teavee
Summary: AKA: How the events of "Magical Mystery Cure" would throw a SERIOUS monkey wrench in the Xenoverse.
1. Welcome To The Xenoverse

Once upon a time, a human named Lero Michealides was inexplicably transported to the magical land of Equestria. With no way of returning to his home world, he rolled up his sleeves and fashioned a new life for himself in this world of sapient ponies, adapting to their alien society and way of life, all to the very best of his human abilities.

In time, Lero even managed to find love in the form of a pegasus mare named Rainbow Dash. But this romance would prove to be unlike anything Lero had ever experienced before! He quickly learned that because the pony gender ratio equates to about 5 females to every 1 male, monogamy was NOT embraced by the ponies of Equestria as it was by the humans of Earth. Instead, several females traditionally all married the same male, ("Otherwise, you'd end up with a lot of lonely mares!") unifying in a polygamous 'herd.'

Stunning as this news was, Lero simply did what he did best: he adjusted. He adapted.

He went with the flow.

Soon enough, Lero even came to develop a herd of his own: in addition to Rainbow Dash, there came Princess Celestia's prize student, Twilight Sparkle, and later, the serene martial arts master, Lyra Heartstrings. The four of them were so blissfully, passionately happy together. Destiny had smiled on them all.

But then, one day, Princess Celestia tasked her faithful student with fixing an incomplete spell of a long-dead magical genius.

Twilight cast the great wizard's spell. And in doing so, the Destinies of all her dearest friends were **SWITCHED**.

Now, while Twilight busies herself finding a cure that'll restore her friends to their former selves, Lero Michealides finds himself in a dire bind, indeed.

One girl, who he never fell in love with - and who never would have fallen for _HIM,_ in her right mind - now believes herself to be Lero's soulmate. The other girl - the TRUE love of Lero's life - now sees him as a casual acquaintance. And convincing them of the truth is an impossibility.

What will Lero do in a situation where there IS no path of least resistance? Whatever his ultimate decision... hardship and heartache are destined to confront him at every turn.

Welcome, friends, to _Divided Rainbow_.

[Big credit to AnonAuthor, and all the rest of the Xenoverse canon writers at , on which this story is based.]

Their works can be found at www-dot-fimfiction-dot-net, at group/1699/xenophilia-hq


	2. Prologue: Most Outspoken Supporter

Rainbow Dash and Lero.

Lero and Rainbow Dash.

What a fascinating couple they make. Oh, and Lyra and Twilight too. Mustn't forget them.

On one hoof, they're such a happy, loving herd. I'm happy for their loving relationship. I will always support them.

And yet... and yet... this is something I would rather die than ever voice aloud, EVER, but whenever I look at Lero's herd... I feel like I've dodged a lightning bolt.

How had it even happened? Rainbow falling in love with the human?

I remembered Rainbow describing the moment they officially became coltfriend and marefriend: "I told him I was a skinny, garish, over-muscled freak... and then he turned it around on me. He said I wasn't skinny, I was 'slender.' He said I wasn't over-muscled, I was 'athletic,' and I was colorful, not garish..."

I had nothing but respect for the human for such generous sentiments, for seeing the best in my friend, for accentuating the positive. Because Rainbow Dash is NOT an ugly pony, by any means. To see herself as THAT unattractive, that was just being too harsh on herself!

And yet... and yet...

I briefly stopped what I was doing to shut my eyes and imagine myself in Rainbow Dash's horseshoes.

"I'm a pegasus, not a unicorn." I spoke softly, as a hypnotist would speak to a pony she was hypnotizing. "I'm an athlete, not a fashionista. The Wonderbolts are my idols. My goal in life is to become the fastest precision flyer ever, and joining the Wonderbolts is my dream. Also, I have rainbow-colored mane." I opened my eyes, and looked in a mirror, picturing this new me, this new rainbow-maned Rarity. And even with these different goals, I still couldn't ENTIRELY empathize with what my friend had made of herself.

If Rainbow DID happen to be skinnier and more muscular than the regular mare, whose fault was that? A number of Wonderbolt mares managed to be athletic AND retain their girlish figure. All Dash would've needed to do was research different exercise programs, different diets. As for 'garish,' I agree with Lero; there's nothing wrong with Rainbow's coloration. Dyeing such a one-of-a-kind mane would've been a crime against fashion! An absolute felony! But if anything WAS 'garish' about Rainbow's mane, it was that she kept it so unkempt and uncared-for. Would it have KILLED Rainbow Dash to have put a dab of styling gel in her mane, in between all those midmorning naps?

Of course it would've. Because hair care was 'froufrou.' And the ultra-awesome Rainbow Dash didn't_do_ froufrou. And look where that had gotten her: a body she wasn't 100% proud of, a terrible self-image! For all her boasting and bravado, Dash was probably so fraught with insecurities about her looks, that she probably hadn't planned on APPROACHING stallions until she'd made Wonderbolt Captain.

Talk about overcompensation. Talk about dodging a lightning bolt! How lucky and smart I was to have never gone so anti-froufrou! Poor Rainbow Dash had probably come to regard herself as such a freak... no wonder the first guy she'd formed a heartfelt personal connection with would be the alien biped from another world.

"I'd have been an even better Rainbow Dash than you, Rainbow," I chuckled at my reflection.

But then... how had _Twilight_ come to fall in love with the human? Unlike Rainbow Dash, Twilight's problem had never been embracing the softer side of femininity.

I thought it over a bit. Eventually, I came to a conclusion that Twilight's issue had been the same one which brought her to Ponyville in the first place: she was bad at socializing. I mean, come on! A girl like Twilight, who was as good as a daughter to our sun goddess? Suitors had to have been tripping over themselves to catch her eye! Instead, she buried her nose in books for her entire fillyhood.

As much as Twilight has improved since moving to Ponyville... there's a world of difference between platonic friendships and romance. Must've scared her. Given the choice of doing things 'by the book,' or forging her own path, Twilight always prefers the former. I suspect that once Rainbow Dash had taken the actual risk of courting Lero first, Twilight must've been attracted by the prospect of a herd-sister who could 'show her the ropes,' on how to handle a coltfriend who'd already been 'broken in'... so to speak.

Insecurities... so many blasted insecurities! My poor friends. Well, Lero would be an ideal catch for an insecure girl. The human is just so... nonthreatening.

Fillies do love to think of themselves as the stronger gender - myself included - what with all our 'superior numbers' and such, our instinctive need to safeguard the scarcer sex... yet no girl wants to admit just how much POWER stallions can truly command over us when they want to; physically and psychologically. But what does Lero actually have?

No wings. No magic. He _does_ have a pair of hands, and from what I had already seen of Spike, hands made for an adequate-enough substitute for magic... but even little Spiky-Wikey has **claws** on the end of his! Lero is no layabout, he keeps in shape... but even so, a pony would need to be very young, very old, or very sick to lose a tug-of-war with the human. Same principle applies to running; in terms of both speed and endurance. Some of his teeth might be pointy at the end, but how well would THOSE stand against a solid buck to the face? My own cat has scarier fangs.

And THEN there is the matter of pregnancy. How ecstatic Rainbow is to have a "stallion" that can bring her to the throes of ecstasy at every estrus, with no risk of ever winding up with foal! On one hoof, it's for the best - if motherhood isn't right for Rainbow Dash, better she stay childless. Still, the fact remains that in the battle of the sexes, impregnation is perhaps one of the greatest weapon in a boy's arsenal. And in this world, Lero is incapable of it.

So even if - Celestia forbid - Lero WANTED to transform into the Coltfriend From Hell, (a route which FAR too many of my ex-coltfriends have gone...) what could the human do? Especially when you factor Twilight into the equation. If he were to ever break the heart of Princess Celestia's protégé badly enough, there's nowhere under the sun he could run to.

To be the one human in a world of ponies is to be neutered in every way except the most literal!

...

...

...

...I am suddenly very deeply ashamed at the direction my own thoughts have taken. It's a good thing I'm quietly sorting out my thoughts in the privacy of my own bedroom, rather than voicing them in public.

I know Mr. Bellerophon Michaelides, and the LAST thing he deserves is scorn. He's blessed with a truly noble heart, nobler than a great number of the nobleponies at Canterlot. (I'm not going to name names, but one in particular starts with 'B' and ended in "lueblood." Or was it 'itch?')

I can't really fault Lero for falling in love with mares any more than I can fault Spike for falling in love with me. Spike's and Lero's situations are both so similar: the only ones of their kind, surrounded by ponies. But at least if Spike ever yearned to mingle with his own species, there ARE other dragons in Equestria. Lero's not even born of this world.

I sympathize with his plight. I really do. If our roles were reversed, if it were me, stranded in his human world, I'd imagine I'd barely be functional. I'd be a basket case, always pining for Equestria. But Lero didn't give into homesickness. He adapted to an alien world.

He helps so many of us; you could hardly ask for a finer neighbor. I don't think there's an unkind bone in that human's body. He has done everything within his power to fit in with pony society, become one of us... with the notable exception of clothing. (Not that this is a complaint, on my part. Lero may not be an aficionado of haute couture, but a clothier like me certainly can appreciate a returning customer!)

Best of all, he has made two of my dearest friends genuinely happy.

An individual like that doesn't deserve to live in loneliness. He deserves the love and support of fine ladies.

Take Lyra, for instance. I'm fully in favor of HER hooking up with Lero. She's just so very... unique, that I could hardly imagine her with anypony else.

But why oh WHY couldn't it have just been her, (or maybe some of Lyra's OTHER friends?!) Why did he have to drag two of MY best friends into it?!

It's not that I have anything against interspecies romances. Perhaps it's just a touch of psychological projection, because I just don't swing that way, myself. Non-ponies do nothing for me. (Though Spike's not ready to know that yet. He's just a baby, after all, and I couldn't bear to break his loving little heart.)

I'm just afraid that one day, years from now, when the novelty and the thrill of the exotic has died away, they'll wake up, see the... the BEING sleeping next to them in bed, and think: what did I marry?!

But I am grown-up enough, and open-minded enough to recognize that what they have together is true love. I am no racist bigot, like that horrible Honeydew mare is. It is for these reasons that I am, and will always remain, the most outspoken supporter of Lero and all his herd.

Well, that's enough idle thinking for now. Time for bed! After all, Dash and Lero will be stopping by tomorrow to have a look at my little surprise. I hope they like it!


	3. 1: Dropping By The Boutique

"Y... you eat meat, right?"

Lero Michealides gave a small silent, start of surprise. It wasn't often that a pony could sneak up right behind him, unnoticed. The heavy clip-clop of their hooves was always a giveaway, but having lived among ponykind as long as he had, Lero's ears had also become keenly attuned to the flap of pegasus wings in the air, (particularly since Rainbow Dash had become such an important part of his life.) Even with unicorn teleportation... there tended to be a soft sound, like the tinkle of ethereal bells, just before the unicorn poofed right next to you.

Then again, he was walking down the marketplace road, in the middle of the day. Lero supposed he'd overlooked Whoever-Was-Behind-Him, under the clatter of everypony else's hooves. The crowds were especially thick right now: so many of the shops were hosting sales today.

He and Rainbow Dash both turned around and saw a young blank flank colt. His coat and mane were both bright green. Wide blue eyes studied him with intense curiosity.

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" asked Lero.

"Yeah! I just asked you if it's true that you eat meat. I know you're the hu...something. My aunt's told me a little about you. I just wanted to know if you really ARE a meat-eater."

Lero smiled patiently. "Yeah, kid, I eat meat."

The young colt took a small step back, gawking up at him in wonder.

"Whoa. S-s-so, when you DO eat meat, how do you kill your prey? Or do you just start chomping into them right as you catch them, like a tiger? Do you eat your meat in broad daylight? Or do you wait around until after dark, when nopony can see you?"

The questions just spilled out of the kid like coal from a sack. There was nothing mean-spirited in the little guy's tone. But he made Lero felt like an honest-to-goodness vampire being asked how many necks he needed to bite to get full and which blood type was yummiest: O, A, B, or AB?

"Oh, and... and have you EVER eaten pony m...?"

Head lowered, glowering warningly, Rainbow Dash put herself between the kid and her stallion, fanning her wings out like an angry eagle about to launch itself at a foe.

"Don't you have somepony else to bother?" she growled.

The kid lost his footing while scrambling backward. "I... I'm sorry, miss, I wasn't trying to bother anypony..."

"Beat it, kid! Just scram! Or so help me, I'll...!"

"Dash, please! That's enough!"

"Hey, this kid's just being a brat! I'm not going to let ANYONE talk to you that way, least of all a little punk like this!"

Lero ran a calming hand through her mane. "Let me handle this. Please?"

Reluctantly, Rainbow Dash backed away while Lero came up and hunkered down by the colt.

"Hey, kid," he said gently. "Look at me."

The young colt looked up, and they both caught sight of a tear rolling off his face. Lero pulled his backpack off his back, drew out a small piece of candy from a pocket, and unwrapped it.

"Saltwater taffy?"

Lero just kept smiling kindly as the colt took the taffy from his fingers with his teeth and ate it noiselessly.

"I'm sorry, mister," the colt said, in a small, sad voice. "I didn't mean to say anything bad or nothing. I promise."

"Hey, it's okay. I know. So what's your name, kid?"

"Absinthe."

_"Absinthe?!"_

Lero could almost feel Rainbow Dash's eyes pop in time with his own, like they were telepathically linked. They exchanged horrified glances.

"What?!" Absinthe cried hotly. "Why do ALL you grown-ups react that way when I say my name?! What does it even MEAN?!"

"Uh... nothing! It means nothing!" said Dash, looking away.

"Yeah! It's a complete nonsense word. Like 'tiramisu.'" said Lero, hoping that this'd be the one time where a pony's name didn't turn out to be QUITE so prophetic. (What possessed pony mothers to DO this to their kids?) "A... anyway, you wanted to know about me and meat, right?"

Absinthe nodded.

"Alright. Let's see... I think you asked about how I 'kill my prey.' I don't even HAVE 'prey.' I'm not a cheetah, kid. I ain't a hunter of any kind; I've never killed anything bigger than a spider in my entire life!"

"Then how...?"

"When I do get meat, I always _buy_ it."

"Oh! Like those... whatdoyacall'em... butcher-things that griffins have!"

"Yeah. Butcher-things. Though it's pretty much all fish and shrimp for me, nowadays, so I go to restaurants or fishmongers." The human took in a breath. "Also... I hate to spoil a great urban legend, but I don't eat pony meat. Not pony, not zebra, or any other kind of equine! And I never will. Because I already know you'll all taste absolutely terrible."

"Terrible?!" the young colt squawked.

"Yep, terrible. Awful. Revolting. Inedible. Don't get me wrong; you ponies are wonderful friends, great to interact with, but as a MEAL? I'd rather chew compost."

"And what's WRONG with pony meat?! Huh?! Huh?!" The human couldn't believe it. The kid was actually indignant, INSULTED, that he wasn't on Lero's menu! As if he'd told Applejack that her apples weren't fit to eat. It was all he could do not to laugh at Absinthe, hopping around in anger.

"Answer me!"

"I can sum it up in three simple words: guilt and shame."

That stopped the kid. "...Oh." he said quietly.

"Yep. Guilt and shame will make EVERY meal taste like ash. My rule of thumb is to never eat anything that I could ever hold a conversation with. Then I _would_ be nothing but a monster."

For the first time, the young colt really smiled at him. "You really ARE a good guy, huh? So then if hu-things..."

"Humans," Lero corrected.

"If humans don't eat ponies, what meat DO they eat?"

"Well, humans like me enjoy things like chicken. And pork."

Absinthe tilted his head. "What's pork?"

"Y'know, pork! Bacon? Bratwurst? Kielbasa?"

Both Absinthe and Rainbow Dash squinted at Lero, like he was speaking a dead language.

"...Pig meat."

"You eat PIGS?"

A faraway, dreamy smile spread up Lero's face, as his eyes misted over in fond nostalgia. "Ohhhh, yeah. Pigs are the BEST. Spare ribs, sausage links, sausage patties, ham, pulled pork, pepperoni, pork chops, tenderloins, pork rinds, meatballs, chorizo... the list goes on and on! Heck, a few humans - not me, though - even like pickling pigs' _feet_ and eating those!"

Both Absinthe and Rainbow Dash grimaced. "Eeeeewwwww,"

"You can eat ANY part of the pig," Lero sighed. "ANY part. There's a saying among humans about that: Everything but the squeal."

"So then, what do you make from their eyeballs?" Absinthe asked.

That jolted Lero back to reality. "You're a MORBID little guy, aren't ya, Absinthe?"

Right as Absinthe was giving a sheepish smile, a new voice called out. "Absinthe! ABSINTHE!"

A teenage pegasus filly with a high-strung, over-caffeinated look to her eyes galloped up to the young colt. She spared one thunderstruck look at the human before wheeling on Absinthe.

"How dare you wander off on your own like that?! What if something had happened to you?!"

Absinthe cringed. "I'm sorry, Triple Espresso! I just had to see the human! He's nice and he eats pigs!"

"That's no excuse! Our herd-mothers are all **furious** with you, Absinthe! Especially your own!"

Then Triple Espresso head-butted Absinthe in the flanks, herding her half-brother back to their parents. Shaking her head, Rainbow Dash turned around as Lero put his backpack back on, and they resumed walking.

"Gotta hand it to you, Lero, you were really sweet to that little colt. If I'd been in your shoes, I doubt I could bring myself to be that nice."

"Well... I don't want children thinking I'm something that shouldn't be approached. Even if all the_real_ threat comes from you, Dash."

Rainbow Dash nuzzled her head against his palm. "Softie."

They walked on in silence a little longer, before Dash suddenly exclaimed. _"Pig meat!_ Of all things! You could at least eat something that keeps itself clean, like, I dunno, cats or something."

Lero snorted. "What I don't get is why ponies even **keep** pigs, if not for their meat?"

Rainbow Dash shrugged. "I'm no farm girl, but I'm pretty sure Applejack would tell you it's for fertilizer." Then she looked over at him. "Still... in spite of what you told that foal, I know for a fact that ponies don't taste THAT bad to you, Mr. Human."

"Why's that?"

Now the old lusty smile was back on Dash's face, as she whispered, "Because not a day goes by where I don't feel your tongue or your teeth on SOME part of my body. Some nights for HOURS on end!"

He grinned back at her. "You're one to talk! Are you sure you're even a herbivore? I swear, Dash, one of these nights, you're gonna jump on me when I least expect it, make a sandwich out of me, and that'll be the end of Lero Michealides!"

Her smile widened devilishly. "Ohhhh... you'll be in a sandwich, alright. Twilight's will be the top slice, Lyra will be the bottom, and there you'll be, right in between, slathered in ranch dressing."

Rainbow Dash then made a show out of slowly running her tongue along all her upper teeth before snapping playfully at his fingers.

"Dee-lish."

He smiled. "I knew you were going to make that pun."

"How couldn't I? The way you were going on about sandwiches and jumping you, It'd be like NOT saying 'who's there?' during a knock-knock joke! You're SO see-through! You WANT to be the sandwich when the four of us are together tonight!"

Lero frowned. "Er... not tonight," he corrected her. "Tonight it's just the two of us, remember?"

"Oh. Yeah. Well then... the _next_ time we're all under the same roof."

At this point, they had finally reached their destination, and the bell over Rarity's front door jingled as they entered into the Carousel Boutique.

Years ago, when Lero had first been transported to Equestria, the only possessions he'd had to his name were the clothes on his back.

A shirt. Denim blue jeans. Tennis shoes and white socks. A set of briefs. The day he'd put them on, long ago, back on Planet Earth, they'd been in good condition.

Flash forward to the night he'd arrived in this world. He'd stumbled out from that Evertree bramble bush, dressed in what now were disgusting, threadbare rags, rotting against his skin. Holes everywhere; the shirt, the underwear... the bottom of his left shoe was completely GONE, as were all the pockets of his jeans. Filthy with old blood, dirt, grime, swamp slime, and worse, (to think that shirt had once been WHITE!) And all the sweat that had soaked into every strand of fabric certainly did nothing to help the smell he gave off.

And Lero _liked_ showers, soap, and clean clothes! His parents hadn't raised a slob! But the vicious, sadistic world he'd miraculously escaped from, with all its vicious, sadistic inhabitants... well, suffice it to say that nobody there had been interested in letting Lero have access to a washing machine. Or even the smallest shred of compassion.

Lero would've loved to say that he'd been able to get fresh clothes right away, but that would've been a lie. First had come first contact: encountering those traveling ponies in the woods. A few days later, government agents had captured him. Then he'd been caged, and studied by scientists. Once the scientists had established Lero was just as intelligent and sentient a being as themselves, he'd been brought before Princess Celestia, so she could threaten to annihilate him before offering him citizenship.

It wasn't that the ponies were inhospitable. Even when he'd been caged as an animal, the ponies had treated Lero with infinite more humanity than the monstrous humanoids of that World-Before-Equestria. It was that their society was clothing-optional, (and most opted out.) And no pony had anything in Lero's size or shape, anyway.

So between one thing and another, Lero had gotten a few months' more mileage out of his 'Gollum threads,' before he finally had the luxury of entering Rarity's shop, peeling off his shirt and pants, and begging her to make new sets of them, only without any holes. Which Rarity had. She'd even gone so far as to let Lero shut himself up in a back room - clad only in the remnants of his underwear - and wait for her to sew him his first new jeans and shirt in forever.

To this day, Lero had never gone to any other store for clothes. He was proud to be Rarity's patron.

In a lot of ways, the Carousel Boutique hadn't changed one bit since he'd first set foot in it, all those years ago. Oh, the dresses on display were a new style... but that was just _fashion._ The elegant furniture hadn't changed, the walls were still painted the same pretty color... even the faint scent of lilac and lavender in the air was just as he'd always remembered it.

Rarity, herself, stood behind the counter, listening politely to a talkative stallion, babbling at her a mile a minute with a lovestruck look in his eyes. Her eyes flicked over to him and Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, my stars!" Rarity said, crossing over to the two of them. "I'm sorry, I'd love to continue this discussion, really I would, but the customer comes first, I'm afraid. Stop by again some time if you like, I'm definitely considering asking you out on a date!"

Just before the stallion stepped out, Lero heard him whisper, "She said she'll CONSIDER me! Whoo-hoo!"

And then the three of them were alone.

"Rainbow, do be a dear and flip the 'Open' sign to 'Closed,' would you?"

She did. They followed Rarity into a back room that Lero had only been in a small handful of times. Bolts of cloth, spools of thread, accessories, outfits, silk things and lace things all spread about the room rather haphazardly, in a sort of organized chaos. There was also a fairly large sheet stretched out like a theater curtain.

"I'm guessing THAT'S the super-cool thingy you wanted to show us?" Dash said.

Her unicorn friend gave her a shy but excited smile. "Well... honestly it's not all _that_ incredible. In fact, it's really more for me than for you... but since it concerns you, Lero, I thought you might like a look at it."

She cleared her throat. "Fillies and gentlecolts! You've all heard of the ponyquin, right?"

The other two nodded, Lero a little slower than Dash. "Today, it is my pleasure to present Equestria's one and only, first-ever... duh-duh-duh DAH...!"

She bit down on a cord, and the sheet swung aside.

"...Humannequin!"

Lero stared. Standing on a central pedestal was a smooth featureless mannequin version of... himself. Made of the same material as the pony-mannequins up at the storefront. Back on Earth, clothing store mannequins all bore the shape of generic GQ supermodels, whereas this thing was an unmistakable replica of Lero's own personal physique, down to the shoulders and the shape of his head. He actually found it quite a bit...

"...Freaky." Dash stuck her tongue out it at, like she'd licked a lemon.

"Freaky?!" Rarity balked.

"Yeah, it's like looking at Lero... if Lero had done something super-bad and Princess Celestia had to transform him to stone, like Discord... only it was something WORSE than Discord, so she had to TAKE AWAY HIS FACE!"

Rarity and Lero blinked.

"Or, then again, it's like some freaky magical-science-experiment! Trying to create new life forms, tampering in Celestia's domain! Like some blob of protoplasm latched onto Lero to copy his genetic code, but didn't do it QUITE right, and now it's out for blood! I can see the title now: _It Came From Rarity's Boutique!"_

To Lero's surprise and relief, Rarity took this in good humor, laughing. "Yes, yes... I can sort of see that! Roar! Give my creation life!"

And she used her unicorn telekinesis to bend the mannequin's arms up, like a movie monster's. Only the mannequin's limbs were so stiff, it was more like a toy action figure Lero had once dug out from a foot of snow, halfway into winter. They all shared a little laugh.

"I think it looks fine," Lero said. "It couldn't've been easy to have something like this made, Rarity, and I'm touched that you went to all that trouble."

"Oh, no great trouble at all!" Rarity said. "Considering how you buy **_all_** your clothes from me, I'd say it's long overdue, in fact!"

"I hope it really does help you with making my clothes." Lero fished a piece of paper from his pocket. "It comes at a good time, in fact. All my clothes at home are starting to get pretty patchy... I made this list."

Rarity took the list from him with her magic, skimming it over. "Hmm... yes, this is a tall order, but it shouldn't be too much trouble."

"I'm in no rush," Lero said.

"One of these days, though, you really must let me try making you a set of pants with emeralds sewn into the belt-line."

Lero rubbed at his chin. "You know what? Why not? If you can make it look manly, then go ahead!"

"Oooh! Just you wait! You won't be disappointed! I'll even take half-off, since it's your first... ANYTHING from me, with gems sewn in!"

Rainbow Dash shook her head in wry amusement. "I don't think I'll EVER be able to get over how uptight you are about keeping your body covered. One of these days, you ought to TRY being like me. Think of how much money _I_ save on clothes!"

Of course, they'd gone over the question of clothing before. At this point in their relationship, it was just another cozy running gag between them, so Lero just shrugged, smiled, and played along.

"What can I say? A big part of being human is wearing clothes."

"So, wait, if you don't wear clothes you'll stop being human?" Rainbow giggled. "Ooh, I can see it now! A month in the buff, and you're suddenly struck by a freaky desire to graze on roses and tulips! Two months, and your ears go pointy! Your hands become hoofs and your face pushes out into a muzzle! In fact..."

Dash circled around right behind Lero, staring at the seat of his pants, and giving a mock-gasp. "Oh my goodness! ...there's a tail there!"

"Huh?!"

"Yeah! It's not that big yet, but it's hairy and swishy, can't you feel it?"

And the pegasus pivoted a bit so she could flick her own tail playfully over the small fray in the seat of his pants, tickling his exposed skin. Lero huffed.

"You've been watching waaaay too many weird shows at the movie theater lately."

Laughing again, Dash raised herself up on her back legs to hug him.

"Awww, you know I'm only kidding! I love my human stallion, clothes and all! You're like a birthday gift I can unwrap every night, and those FINGERS of yours... mmm, they're just too MAGICAL to get rid of!"

The human smiled lovingly, and they cuddled and kissed, until Lero saw Rarity in his peripheral vision. The dressmaker seemed to be peering at both of the braids in their hair, as though trying to decide whether they were fashionable or not. They backed away from each other, Rainbow Dash landing on all fours.

"So," Rarity said, "I've been meaning to ask... where's Lyra? I haven't seen her around town recently."

"Yeah, Lyra's not in Ponyville right now," Dash said, "Her Still Way sensei wrote her a letter, and now she's traveling abroad. Part of some... learning... meditation... martial arts... Still Way... doo-jigger. You know her. Said she'd be back in a few weeks."

"Actually, we're going to be heading out of Ponyville ourselves, right after this." Lero said. "But it's only for a day. Two days tops."

Rarity arched an eyebrow. "Oh? Why's that?"

Lero leaned in conspiratorially, speaking in a lower voice. "This is **_not_** to be repeated... but just last night, Twilight got this special package from Princess Celestia. It contains an unfinished spell from this really ancient... uber-magical... wizard... Gandalf-fellow, from the days of yore. Starswirl the Bearded."

"Never heard of him," Rarity said.

Dash rolled her eyes. "Well, to hear _Twilight_ go on about him, you'd think he was the Fourth Alicorn that time forgot."

"He's that big a deal?" Rarity levitated a tea set over and poured herself a cup.

Lero nodded. "Yeah. Anyway, this Starswirl guy apparently came up with a big spell of some sort, but he only got so far with it before he died. Princess Celestia wants Twilight to see whether she can complete his work... finish his unfinished masterpiece. But Twilight wants us out of the house first. She refused to even look at Starswirl's spell to see what it's supposed to do... didn't want to risk this dodgy, unfinished ultra-spell hitting anyone in her herd."

"I see." Rarity said, sipping her chamomile.

"So Lero and I decided to make a little getaway vacation out of it!" Rainbow Dash said, flying up and putting an arm around Lero's shoulder. "My stallion's gonna get the _ride of his life!"_

Rarity spat out her tea, cheeks reddening, choking a little.

"In the AIR," Rainbow Dash finished flatly.

"Oh! Uh... of course!" Rarity nodded, only for her pegasus friend to smile mischievously.

"AND the ground. But the air, first."

Rarity set her tea tray on a counter. "Not to pry... but I remember Lyra mentioning this one time where Lero went off on a private vacation with her while Twilight was studying, and it really upset Twilight afterward. Are you sure this is alright?"

"Well, normally it wouldn't be okay, but this isn't just any ol' everyday studying session. We talked it over with her, and she's totally on board with this, since, y'know, it's the great Swirlstar and all. She actually said 'the more distance the better.' Speaking of which, Lero, ready to blow this popsicle stand?"

"You bet! Thanks for inviting us, Rarity."

Rarity saw the two lovers to the door, wished them a fun time together, and then flipped her sign back from 'CLOSED' to 'OPEN.' She was heading back behind her counter, when a dismaying thought froze her in her tracks. She raced out the door; Lero had already climbed on Dash's back, and the pegasus was spreading her wings.

"Wait!" she cried. "This super-spell which Twilight wants you far away from... is it safe for me to stay here? Do you think I ought to, well, close shop for today and take a train ride somewhere?"

Rainbow Dash gave her friend a reassuring smile. "Aw, come on, Rarity! You worry too much! This is _Twilight_ we're talkin' about! Have some faith in her! The Princess sure does! Now, hang tight, Lero!"

And she shot off into the sky like a firework.


	4. 2: High-Flying Lovebirds

It had been a long time since Lero had been on a roller coaster, but there were only two things he'd ever really disliked about them. The first was long lines. The second was the short duration of the rides themselves: just a minute or so of thrilling twists and turns, then, bam: 'Thank you for riding the Screamin' Demon, please exit to your right.' There was a trivia book he'd read once which said the longest roller coaster ride ever ran for a little over four minutes. The adult in Lero knew that this was quite an impressive feat. But the wishful child in him had always secretly dreamed of one day riding a roller coaster that went on even longer.

Lero didn't know WHERE Dash was getting the boundless energy from, but he could hardly be happier. Rainbow Dash seemed pretty much dead-set-determined on being every roller coaster he had ever ridden on, in his life, and then some... all in one go!

She corkscrewed. She looped-the-loop. She barrel rolled. She cobra rolled. She bobbed and weaved zigzags and serpentine patterns up and down through the air at an ever-increasing speed! Best of all, she did things roller coasters weren't even capable of.

She whirled around a cloud, faster and faster and faster, compressing it into a tight, tight ball. She kicked a lightning bolt out of another grey cloud, and then nosedived to outrace it to the ground. The lightning bolt barely beat her, but she pulled back up into the air at the last possible nanosecond.

It was magnificent. Dash knew exactly what she was doing; at no point did Lero ever get motion sickness. The ride was just as fantastic three hours in as the first minute. What was more, at no point did Lero ever truly fear for his life; it was pure exhilaration without ever being scary!

Dash paused to regard a particularly huge and towering cloud.

"Hang tight, big guy!" she crowed, and launched herself at it. She cycloned around the immense, formless monstrosity at her fastest yet, again and again, cutting around it and into it in erratic unpredictable patterns. It was all Lero could do to cling tightly to her neck and squeeze his eyes shut... until he felt that she'd stopped moving.

"Whaddaya think?" she asked him proudly.

Lero opened his eyes. The cloud statue Dash had sculpted was as big as that of Abraham Lincoln in the Lincoln Memorial. It showed Rainbow Dash, herself, rearing up on her hind legs, grinning cockily. A pose worthy of a superhero comic's cover.

Lero whistled in awe. "That's the finest pirate ship I've ever seen!"

"PIRATE SHIP?!" Dash sputtered.

Lero laughed and ruffled his lover's mane. "It's beautiful. You make a first-rate cloud, Rainbow!"

"I can still buck you off," she said, finally settling down upon a flatter, puffier cloud, with a yawn. "And now I'm totally bushed."

Without even really thinking about it, the two of them shifted position. Dash rolled over upon her back, and Lero lay upon her. Chest to chest. She hooked her forelegs around his shoulders, hugging him to her while shutting her eyes with a dreamy smile.

Sweat beaded on Lero's head. "So, uh, do you want to... do it?"

"Mmmm... nah," she answered.

"Why not?"

"Well, you don't have a cloud-walking spell cast on you," she breathed, still smiling, still not opening her eyes. "So when you pull your pants off, stud-muffin, they're gonna fall aaaaaaaall the way to the ground. And I'm not gonna go fetch 'em for you."

"So what do we do here?"

"We shut our eyes and take a little nap together on this cozy little cloud."

Lero took a nervous look over the side of their cloud. "Dash... we must be hundreds of feet up from the ground, and your body's the only thing preventing me from falling! What if...?"

"You won't fall," she promised.

"But...!"

"Ssshh," she whispered, kissing his face. "Let me be your hammock. Let me be your safety net."

He felt her wings enfolding him from behind, blanketing him. He sighed.

"If you drop me in your sleep, I'll haunt you forever."

"Mmm-hmm." She pressed against him all the more snugly, as though he were her favorite teddy bear. "Shush now. Sleep with me."

The sunlight on the back of his head was warm. And so was Dash, underneath him...

The dreams Lero had on that cloud were a surreal collage of mishmashed random weirdness. Same as every other time he slept, really.

His first dream was most vivid. Lero dreamt he was being born. The OB/GYN was pulling him out of his mother. He reached towards his mom with his tiny infant hands, wailing. But the OB/GYN was a unicorn. His mother was a unicorn too, while his dad was a pegasus. Even though they were ponies, Lero still recognized his parents for who they were supposed to be. His mom levitated a blanket around him, and nuzzled him lovingly with her snout.

Then the dream skipped forward to the day of his eighth birthday. Lero went from room to room of his house, playing and socializing with his classmates and friends. They too, were all ponies. Unlike the ponies of Equestria, everypony on Earth was fully clothed... even down to hoof-shaped sneakers on their hind legs!

Lero would've loved to have seen what his friends' cutie marks were, but there was no hope of that since they were all hidden under everypony's pants or dresses. Every so often, somepony would ask or joke about his humanness, but all in good fun.

He peered into the kitchen. There was his mom, putting the finishing touches on his birthday cake. Only it wasn't JUST Mom; other mares were assisting her. His... _herd-mothers!_ He recognized Sheila Winslow, Mom's all-time best friend she'd had since her high school days. Mrs. Yates, their friendly next-door neighbor, (or would she be 'Mrs. Michaelides,' in this reality?) And even... was that pegasus Vivian Danielson, Mom's supervisor from work? Mom had LOATHED this woman with all her heart. Whenever she and Dad discussed her at the dinner table, she'd always refer to Miss Vivian as either a tyrant or a demon.

Lero watched Mom steal a quick, deep kiss with Miss Vivian when they thought all their herdmates' backs were turned.

"Cut that out, you two!" Mrs. Yates scolded, with a soft kick to both of them. "There are FOALS, here... eight-year-olds! We'll all have PLENTY of time for that tonight!" Then she noticed Lero. "Oh, hey, sweetie, why don't you go get your friends together at the dining room? It's just about time to bring out the cake!"

So he did. His mothers placed a paper birthday crown on his head, and set the cake on the table: it was shaped like a roasted pig. There was even a real apple in its jaws. Everypony sang Happy Birthday for him, he blew out his candles, and the cake was sliced up. He dug in. Flowers, sugar cubes and hay had been baked into his cake, and his ice cream tasted like a salt lick.

The other dreams went much quicker. He was playing Street Fighter II, only the fighters had all been replaced with Sesame Street characters. He picked Count Von Count, and K. Elmo by spin-pile-driving him into the floor, Zangief-style.

Then he was in a tavern, trying to wrench a bottle of absinthe from Absinthe's mouth. "I'm SUPPOSED to drink this!" the colt insisted, drunkenly. "Look!" And the colt showed him an absinthe bottle on his flank.

Then he had a rather terrifying dream about returning to the World-Before-Equestria. It nearly woke him up.

Then Lero dreamt he was in a zoo. All the bars on the cages melted away, and the animals rushed out ferociously to attack him all at once, so he fought them off with a hunting rifle. He'd gunned down a jaguar, two toucans, and a dingo, when a weird-colored cloud floated above his head and showered acid upon him. So he ran for all his worth.

Then he was in a chapel, wearing a white tuxedo. Ponies on the bride's side, ponies on his own side... an Earth pony priest up at the altar but... hold the phone! The bride... the bride was human! Lero ran up the aisle to have a look at her. Yes, a woman. Her figure was so beautiful and shapely! He reached to pull the veil off her face.

_Kiss. Kiss. Kiss._

"Lero?" Dash's voice called out to him. "Listen carefully to me. Don't move a muscle, but I want you to open your eyes."

He did so.

"I dreamed of you," said Dash, stroking his hair softly with a hoof. "Did you dream of me?"

"...Yes," he told her. It was a much easier, more romantic answer than the truth. (Why did all the truly bizarre dreams never feel strange during the dream, itself?) He looked past their cloud. "Where exactly are we, anyway?"

Carefully, Dash rolled over on her stomach, so she could see the land beneath them, right-side-up.

"Oh, it looks like we're right above the Bramblewood Forest. It's a good ways east of Ponyville."

"Bramblewood Forest, huh?"

"Yeah. You see all those huge ugly brown things that kinda look like dead trees? Down there, and there and there? Bramble bushes."

Lero's eyes widened. "Holy... it's kinda hard for me to judge from way up here, but those look to be the size of full-grown redwoods!"

"Yep. That's how big they grow, 'round these parts."

Lero caught sight of a railway track, and his followed it to what looked like a town, near the horizon. "What's that, over there?"

"Oh, that's Bramblewood Town. Minotaurs live there, as well as a lot of ponies. I don't visit there often."

The human glanced over at the sun, which would soon be setting. "Do you think we can pick up a quick dinner there?"

"In Bramblewood Town? Not the most romantic place for a meal, but okay, sure, if you're hungry. Hop on."

So Lero climbed on Dash's back, and she sprang off. A few seconds later, the large bird collided headlong into Lero's face.

Spike was wiping down the glass display case which housed the Elements of Harmony, first with a wet rag, then a dry one. When cleaning this display, he always went a little slower than he did with the rest of the house, just for the sake of marveling at the Elements.

A red lightning bolt. A blue balloon. An orange apple. A pink butterfly. A purple diamond. And the majestic star crowning Twilight's tiara. Like cereal marshmallows, only shinier and crunchier.

There was a tiny part of the dragon - a little devil on his shoulder - that had always secretly wondered what these one-of-a-kind gems would taste like? And would they give him superpowers? Like, if he were to eat the Element of Laughter, would he become funnier? Would Magic make him a wizard-dragon? Not that he had would ever seriously go and do it! The Elements of Harmony were what made Twilight and his friends heroes, one forbidden fruit Spike was happy to leave unpicked. Princess Celestia had been right to trust Twilight Sparkle with them, and Twilight trusted him, and he'd rather die than betray either one of them and leave the world open to the next Discord-level monster.

Smiling, he finished cleaning the glass, and was moving on to another countertop when Twilight entered the room, levitating the book the Princess had mailed to her.

"Okay," she told herself, with a deep breath. "I think I'm ready. Wherever Dash and Lero are, they ought to be far enough away, and if I procrastinate any longer, I'm never going to get it done."

Spike folded his arms peevishly. "Hey, how come you're fretting about Dash and Lyra and Lero being 'far enough away,' but ME being in the danger zone is all hunky-dory?!"

Twilight beamed down at the little guy with absolute sweetness. "Oh, Spike, you're taking this entirely the wrong way. The reason I want you here is because I _trust_ you more with this sort of thing."

"Really? You mean that?"

"Of course! I love Lyra, Lero, and Dash with all my heart, but you've been my number one assistant from the beginning! You're the one I want by my side when strange magic is involved! With a spell like this... if something should go amiss, especially to me... I feel confident knowing _you're_ there for me, Spike!"

Proudly, Spike puffed his chest, arms akimbo. "Well, what are we waiting for?! Let's do this thing! Er... one second, though."

The baby dragon dashed out the door, then zipped back in wearing an army helmet and pillows roped around his body.

"Okay! Let 'er rip!"

Twilight flipped Starswirl's ancient spellbook to its final page.

It had flown into him too fast - a feathery blur - for Lero to identify what kind of bird had struck him. Could've been a duck, could've been a goose, could've been some completely different magical Equestrian bird that would've been right at home in a Dr. Seuss book.

Regardless, he was knocked right off of Rainbow Dash.

It took a moment for the pegasus' brain to register that the weight of her stallion had left her back. She turned around, watching the love of her life plummet toward the ground. His arms flailed; he was screaming.

She screamed louder, a great, long horrified, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!" and dived after him to save him.

If she'd been going fast before, goofing around and showing off with barrel rolls and cloud-sculpting, it was nothing compared to now. Her wings beat for everything they were worth! _C'mon adrenaline!_ she thought. _Give me everything you got!_ Her lungs burned. Her wings shrieked in agony. She ignored everything but Lero.

At first she sought to calm herself: _Don't panic, Rainbow! You've done this before, remember? With Rarity? You'll do it again here, too! Just push it to the max, give it everything you got, and you'll Sonic Rainboom Lero right outta danger!_

But hysteria overwhelmed her in seconds.

_No, no, no! This can't be happening! Why aren't I catching up?! Please, Celestia, I gotta save him, I gotta! I'll never ever forgive myself if... oh, Lero, Lero, Lero, LERO, LERO, LEROLEROLERO...!_

**"From one to another,**

**Another to one,**

**A mark of one's destiny**

**Singled out alone, fulfilled."**

Rainbow Dash's cutie mark vanished from her flank, leaving it completely bare. Instantly, the pegasus' heart and mind went utterly, utterly blank. Eyes wide, but not truly seeing anything, bereft of any emotion. The pegasus' body slowed to a complete stop. She was now more or less just... suspended there, in midair, like a hanged criminal from a noose.

Lero's jaw dropped in pure unadulterated shock as his body disappeared into a tower-tall mass of brown brambles.

Thirty seconds passed. And then, a trio of pink butterflies appeared where there has once been a rainbow-colored thunderbolt bursting from a cloud.

"My animals..." she murmured; a toneless, deadened sound.

And she flew off westward, towards Ponyville, at a tepid speed.

"Did anything happen?" asked Twilight. "Anything whatsoever?"

Spike looked around, at himself, at Twilight, and all around the room. "Nothing I can see."

"Huh. A dud spell, is it? Well, Princess Celestia did say it was unfinished. Probably needs... something-or-another. Think I'll go research it a bit in the library."

Spike yawned. "Think I'm gonna hit the hay, myself."

When she sighed in disappointment, the young dragon patted Twilight. "Hey, look on the bright side, Twilight! At least nothing happened. Could've been an Equestria-shattering kaboom!

"Don't even JOKE about that!"

When the trio of diamonds faded off Rarity's body, it was like a puppet's strings were cut. The fashionista fell face-forward against the side of her own sewing machine, and just remained that way, unmoving, until the mark which had vanished from Rainbow Dash's flank reappeared on her own.

Her head lifted back up. Rarity's eyes were vacant. Unblinking.

"My stallion..." murmured the unicorn, in a very faraway voice.

Like a sleepwalker, she turned from the sewing machine. Surprisingly, as she was passing by her vanity, her body jerked to a stop. She stepped up to the vanity, regarding her reflection hollowly. With robotic precision and lack of ego, she proceeded to restyle a small swatch of of her mane into a little braid. A perfect match to that worn by Lero Michealides.

_BANG. BANG. BANG._

Rarity heard pounding on the front door, downstairs, and proceeded towards it. Not for the pounding's sake; she simply happened to be heading there, anyway.

_BANG. BANG. CRACK!_

A pair of back hooves kicked a hole through the front door. Any other day, Rarity might have screamed or fled, or shouted threats at the intruder. Instead, she merely remained where she was standing and unlocked the door with her magic.

The door opened to reveal Applejack. Despite the fact that she'd been in the middle of breaking and entering, there was no anger or hostility or alarm or anything whatsoever on the Earth pony's face. The emptiness which sat in Applejack's eyes was the same as that in Rarity's own.

Both of them walked forward. Their shoulders bumped against each other, their sides slid alongside one another like two pieces of wheeled luggage at a train station. No words were spoken.

While Applejack ascended the stairs, towards the room with the sewing machine, Rarity stepped outside, and set off in an eastwardly direction.

Lero coaxed his eyes open, taking stock of his new surroundings.


	5. 3: She's On Autopilot, He Needs Saving

The 'Brambles Towers' of the Bramblewood Forest were a most remarkable specimen of Equestrian flora.

Bramble Towers were bramble bushes that grew upward to the size and shape of huge cylindrical towers, (some ponies also likened them to large lighthouses.) The largest Bramble Tower in the Bramblewood Forest rose to a height of 117 feet, with a diameter of 12 feet.

When Lero Michealides plunged nine thousand feet from the sky, he landed, more-or-less, dead-center in the midst of a Bramble Tower. He'd achieved quite a velocity. To put it in terms of an actual tower, Lero could be said to have crashed through seven floors, and his body was now lodged midway in the first floor. The good news was: he was alive. On his way down, the bramble branches had snapped under Lero's body like so many potato chips - nothing at all like hard, unyielding tree wood - slowing the speed of his fall down to nothing.

The bad news was: brambles. Thick, sharp, oh-so-thorny BRAMBLES.

Thorns above him. Thorns below him. Three hundred sixty degree of thorns. Not a wall, nor a floor, just a claustrophobic rat's nest of these horrible little forest-grown spikes. He dangled from these thorny branches like laundry pinned to a clothesline, (if one were using thumbtacks for clothespins); so many of them were caught in his clothing and skin. Overall, the experience was somewhat like being inside a moderately kinder iron maiden. And yes: Lero bled. But not as badly as he could have been bleeding.

Two things had saved Lero from death by a thousand tiny cuts. The first was the outfit he was wearing. The upper atmosphere was quite a chilly place to fly through, so he'd made sure to dress in thick, layered clothing before climbing on Dash. The second was that the moment he'd felt the first sharp pricks upon his skin, he'd curled his body into the tightest little ball he could, squeezing his eyes shut, tucking in his neck.

"HELP!" he called out. "HELP! SOMEONE! ANYONE! DASH! WHERE ARE YOU?! Please... someone... please... HELP!"

Eastward. She trekked eastward. Never in her life had she been so singularly singleminded about anything.

Remaining motionless with all these thorns sticking into him was painful. Movement was **agony**, even down to the faintest tilt of his neck. But Lero forced himself. Wherever Dash was, whatever had happened to her... these thorns were unendurable, his one and only priority right now was escaping them!

He extended an arm outward. It was like wading through a swimming pool with broken glass instead of water. Bramble thorns scraped him as he reached forward, further, further... he closed his fingers around a branch, (it felt a lot like grabbing barbed wire.) Gritting his teeth, he pulled the rest of his body forward.

Through the web of bramble branches, Lero could see the darkness of the night.

She trotted across hills. Through forests, and Diamond Dog territory. There was a river of mud, and she swam uncaringly right through the neck-high muck, not stopping to clean herself off when she reached the opposite side, letting it dry on her coat. Never speaking, rarely blinking, unmindful of eating, unmindful of sleep.

Eastward beckoned.

"I'll make it through, I'll make it through!" Lero chanted to himself, through gritted teeth. "In order to survive in the wilderness, you need a strong will to live! That's what I have! A strong will to live!"

And finally, FINALLY, Lero's body passed through the last set of brambles and fall upon the dewy grass of the forest floor. Breathing heavily, amazed to be alive, Lero took one last look up at the horrible monolith of brambles he'd fallen through, thankful to be free of it. It was now the crack of dawn and he was bleeding from almost everywhere.

But - thank God and Celestia - Lero's backpack was still strapped to his back! How very lucky he was that Twilight had insisted on helping him pack last night. _"You never know,"_ he remembered her saying, when she'd given him the first aid kit. He'd thrown it in, merely to humor her.

It wasn't a big first aid kit, though. Not enough bandages or iodine by half, for his needs. All he could do was use up what he had for the very worst of his wounds; it would have to do. He still needed to get himself to a hospital, pronto, so the doctors could fix the rest.

He began walking. Bramblewood Town... yes, that was its name... but which direction was it? Was he going the right way? Lero's mind struggled to recall everything television and books taught him about wilderness survival. He remembered seeing a railroad up on that cloud. Even if he wasn't headed towards the town, itself, if he could find that railroad, it would surely lead him to civilization eventually! Or another option would be finding a river and following that... communities were ALWAYS built by bodies of water... that'd been one thing his middle school history teacher had hammered into him, when discussing the Tigris and Euphrates. It wasn't like he had a map or anything... he and Twilight had taken for granted that Dash would always be there to know the terrain, or at least provide a solid bird's eye view!

Thinking of Rainbow Dash just opened a floodgate of questions within Lero. Where was she?! Why had she left him here?! Why had she never come back for him?! Why had she flown off?! And why... why had she suddenly STOPPED flying after him like that?! What was with the brain-dead look in her eyes?!

It was difficult to puzzle out. Maybe she'd... run out of energy? No, not Dash... if someone's life was on the line, she'd have keep herself going until her heart gave out.

_Maybe she wanted to see you die?_ A dark, cynical part of Lero's mind suggested. _You've read true crime novels before. Seemingly happy couples... and then one night, after twenty years of togetherness, the husband drives the wife way out to the middle of the woods and takes an axe to her. And she never even saw it coming._

No! No way! Not only did Lero refuse to see Dash as... as an evil sociopath, It made no sense! Why would she had shot after him in the first place like that if she'd been plotting to murder him? He'd seen the look in her eyes: she'd WANTED to save him!

_Maybe the reason she stopped was that she felt that she COULDN'T save you. Couldn't REACH you in time._

Lero hated to admit it, but this seemed much more believable. He tried to re-imagine the scene from Rainbow Dash's point of view. There she'd been, flying after him, but Dash could clearly see that he'd be falling right into a gigantic column of brambles. What good would a pair of wings even BE, if you were being asked to fly through THAT many brambles?!

Perhaps... perhaps the reason she'd stopped the way she did, perhaps the vacuous look in her eyes was just the shock of knowing that she couldn't catch up to him in time.

So where was she now, though? Trying to get help? A doctor? A rescue team?

_Maybe she assumes you to be dead,_ spoke Lero's inner cynic again. _After all, what are the odds of you surviving a fall like that? What are the odds of you surviving all those thousands of thorns?_

Was that it? Could it be that Dash couldn't bear the thought of lingering by the site of his death? Of seeing his corpse? Had she landed somewhere to weep and grieve? Maybe even fly all the way back to Ponyville.

_Maybe she even killed herself._

WHAT?!

_Isn't suicide a terribly "romantic" thing for a girl to do, when she thinks her lover has died? Pure "Romeo and Juliet." _

No... No... no...

_I can see it now: her crashing into a mountainside at Mach 2, thinking only of her dearly departed stallion..._

Lero broke into a wild sprint. "DASH! DAAASH! RAINBOW DASH! I'm right here! Don't be dead! Please, don't be...!"

This was when the horror stepped out from behind the large rock.

A spider as tall as a rhinoceros, and equally as wide. Lero counted nine red eyes arranged in rows of three. Each individual leg was like a medieval pike, if medieval pikes were jointed and hairy. Strangely, the great arachnid only had seven legs; there was an infected-looking stump where the eighth should've been. The legs were all the yellow of old parchment, while the rest of the spider's body was oaken brown.

Lero's mind refused to accept the existence of this spider. It was some kind of mirage brought on by blood loss and panic. One of the spider's foremost legs stretched forward, landing way too close to Lero's own feet.

The human turned and ran, and heard the giant spider scuttled after him. With building panic, Lero ran faster. The spider POUNCED at him like a panther, knocking him flat to the ground. Hollow fangs, longer and thicker than any doctor's needle, jammed deeply into his body. Colorless venom was pumped into him and his body went numb.

Incredibly, the venom was painless; only the puncture wounds hurt. Lero didn't feel poisoned, didn't feel sickly or like he was dying... but he also didn't feel his body move when he willed it to.

The giant spider grabbed him with its legs, and began rotating Lero's limp body over and over... the human felt a little like taffy being spun on a taffy machine. While being rotated, Lero could also feel a repulsive, rapidly-hardening fluid squirting onto him from the spider's spinneret, starting with his legs, and moving upwards to his neck.

_I'm being cocooned!_ Lero realized in horror. _Cocooned, or whatever it is they call it!_

Lero's paralysis didn't extend to his head: he was able to scream out loud. But if anything, his screaming only served to excite the spider; it sped up in its cocooning. Finally, Lero was wrapped in webbing like a mummy; only his head was left untouched. The giant spider finished by drawing out a long dragline, and then dragging his catch to somewhere else in the Bramblewood Forest... much like a child in a Tim Burton cartoon taking his dead dog out for a walk.

To head southward or northward was to slip further into soullessness.

To head westward was to regress towards mindlessness.

To stand still was to plunge into emotionlessness.

She took yet another step eastward and became another 1/10,0000th less of a zombie, 1/10,000th less of a machine, 1/10,000th more AWAKE.

There were still so many steps left to take before she finally arrived at... wherever it was she was supposed to be. But she hadn't reclaimed enough emotion yet to feel solid feelings like doubt or discouragement or unease. She was like a blind mare with supersensitive hearing who'd been without water for days... and could hear the rush of a babbling brook from far, far away.

No other choice but to go eastward.

The giant seven-legged spider had strung the cocooned Lero up on a low-hanging tree branch, piñata-style.

_Sliiiiiiice..._

"AAAAAAAAAAH!"

_Jab!_

"AARRGH!"

_Sliiiiiice..._

AAAIIIIIEEEEE!"

The spider had long, curved, claw-like spurs on the end of all its legs. He was sticking and jabbing them into Lero's body, poking through the cocoon, (if the cocoon threatened to weaken, the giant spider would spin more of its silk around the human.) It was weird: for the most part, the spider's spurs rarely even broke Lero's skin; the real pain came from the fluid the spurs were secreting. It burned like fire.

"AUUUGGGGHH!"

The spider's goal, from what Lero could tell, was to get him to scream continuously for as long and loud as he could make him.

Then there came a point where Lero and the spider heard the tromping of... something large. Lero watched the spider scuttle away; hopefully it had been scared off, but the human worried: what new horror was in store for him now?!

A tall, brown-furred minotaur pushed through some tall shrubbery, and eyed Lero. The human placed him at around 300 pounds, none of it fat. Judging by the dead warthog he had slung across his back, Lero guessed he must be a hunter.

"And what're you?" he asked Lero.

The minotaur dropped his warthog and drew a long serrated hunting knife from his belt.

"Bet your meat doesn't taste half-bad!"

"No, I taste awful!" Lero would've shouted this louder, but his throat was quite sore from all the screaming the giant spider had already made him do. Plus, he had a sneaking suspicion that all the spider's venom was doing something bad to his vocal cords.

The minotaur hunter was taken aback. "You talk?"

"Yeah, I talk! I also think, feel, laugh, cry, sing, do algebra, arithmetic and my own taxes! I'm as much a person as you are, mister!"

Uncertainly, the minotaur hunter sheathed his blade. "But what _are_ you?"

"My name is Lero Michealides. I'm what's called a human. I know you've never seen anything like me before in your life, but I swear to you: I live in Ponyville. I'm part of a herd with three mares in it! I don't really know where I am and I need serious medical attention! Please help me, for the love of mercy!"

"Okay, okay, I gotcha."

The hunter drew out his knife again, this time in a friendly way. "Sounds like you've had quite a day, buddy!" he said, sawing through Lero's cocoon. "I can take you to Bramblewood Town, they'll be able to help you from there."

"BEHIND YOU!" Lero shrieked.

But it was too late. The seven-legged spider had snuck up behind the minotaur, rearing up on its hind legs, wrapped its forelegs around his chest, and jammed its venomous fangs into his savior's neck.

"NO! NO, YOU BASTARD!"

The hunter collapsed like a ton of bricks. Cocooning the 300-pound minotaur took no small amount of effort on the spider's part; flipping his heavyset body over, again and again, but cocoon him it did. Unlike Lero, he even wrapped the hunter's horned head.

Then it proceeded to feast. The spider bit through its victim's silken shroud with a different set of hollow fangs than those it'd used to immobilize him and Lero.

_"Spiders are unable to ingest solid foods the way humans are,"_ Lero heard the voice of his old seventh-grade science teacher echoing in his mind. _"Instead, they suck their prey dry by first injecting their digestive enzymes into their prey, and then slurping up their dissolved, liquified organs and such."_

And so it went with the minotaur, for what had to be hours. To Lero's eyes, the seven-legged spider almost looked to be deflating itself as it pumped its corrosive juices into the minotaur, only to then bloat up like a tick as it sucked back in. Deflate and inflate, inject and absorb, back and forth, in and out, until the mighty minotaur was no more than a shriveled, desiccated heap, literally just skin and bones.

The spider then moved on and did the same to the warthog the hunter had been carrying. Afterward, the monster pulled back and let himself have a spell of rest to settle his stomach... the way Lero and his mares did right after they'd eaten a sumptuous Hearth's Warming Eve feast.

When it saw Lero twisting around furiously in his cocoon, the spider got back up, and injected more venom in his body to quell the human. Then the spider cut Lero down, spun an all-new dragline for him, and hauled him off to a new location.

Eastward, eastward... eastward.

Back when she'd first left her home to set off on this long walk eastward, she'd been as deadened emotionally as a killer robot from the future.

But she was recovering nicely. From unfeeling robot, she was now functioning at the level of a woodland animal; a deer or a feral sheep or such. She wasn't quite back to THINKING yet - at least not at any level of proper sapience - but she could FEEL again, and what she felt was dread.

Ever-growing, ever-increasing DREAD. Not for herself, but for... SOMEONE else, someone precious, out there, out eastward. As though she were a mother ewe, following the desperate, helpless bleating of her lost lamb, echoing through the forest.

The dear thing needed her! Needed rescuing! She had to press on!

_Jab._ "Aaaah!" _Jab._ "Eeeah!" _Slice._ "Go get crushed by a giant foot!"

Lero had decided on a name for his tormentor: Mr. 7. (Admittedly, it wasn't the most imaginative of names, but Lero was neither a fantasy novelist, nor a comic book writer, and thus, wasn't obliged to come up with imaginative names.)

The human dangled from another tree, upon a low-hanging branch. Unlike the vile Mr. 7, he'd had nothing to eat or drink in many hours. Every scream the spider tore from his throat was anguish; the screams, themselves, were getting weaker and weaker.

Then they heard a rustle, and movement from nearby. Something was coming! Once again, Mr. 7 scuttled away, for his next ambush. Loathsome as he was, Lero had to give the arachnid credit for a clever method of snagging prey. This was a lot more intelligence than Lero would have ever thought to attribute to a spider of any size.

He was the cheese in Mr. 7's mousetrap. The carrot in his snare.

Well... not this time!

"GO AWAY!" he shouted, with what remained of his voice. "RUN AWAY! GET HELP! IT'S A TRAP! A GIANT SPIDER! SAVE YOUR...! Awww, _crap."_

At first Lero thought that Mr. 7 had doubled back, meaning to punish him for trying to scare away the meat. Then the human counted eight legs on this new giant spider's body.

_Of course._ Lero thought to himself. _This must be Mr. 7's girlfriend, and I'm the take-out dinner._

Miss 8 scuttled closer, arachnid drool dripping from her fangs.

"No, no, no...!"

Incredibly, it was Mr. 7 who saved him. He sprang up the other spider, and they struggled, each seeking to gore and tear the other apart with their many sharp legs.

Not boyfriend and girlfriend after all.

In the end, despite the handicap of a missing leg, Mr. 7 won out over Miss 8. As she curled into a defeated, insectile ball - legs twitching in the air - Mr. 7 wrapped his silk around her.

In grim fascination, Lero watched in silence as the seven-legged glutton punched his fangs through her exoskeleton and set about cannibalizing his fellow spider.

How long had she been galloping? Rarity had lost track of time. But she was a fully-thinking, feeling, intelligent, articulate being again, a proper PONY again. She had an identity back and memories again! Not that it had done anything towards quelling her panic. If anything, it had only been sharpened, intensified a thousandfold.

From a vague, formless dread, she now remembered everything with picture-perfect, 20/20 clarity.

Twilight had wanted her and Lero out of the house so she could work on an extremely old spell the Princess had mailed her; one she was scared of exposing her herdmates to. Lero had come up with the idea of making a little vacation out of it; just the two of them! She had cast the gossamer wing spell upon herself, and for hours, the two of them had been frolicking through the heavens - mare and stallion, swept up in love - not a care in the world! But then... this disaster had happened, and she'd watched him fall to earth!

All this had occurred mere moments ago.

At least he was still alive! The marvelous, all-consuming intuition inside Rarity was telling her so! So she had landed, and made those foolish wings disappear off her body, (if she hadn't flown that high, dear Lero would never have fallen in the first place!) and was racing off to save him! He was still in danger! The intuition said so! But she knew where she'd find him! The intuition was leading her! But if she wasn't quick about it, he'd be just as dead as if he'd splattered against the rocks!

How could she ever face Twilight and Lyra again if she came home with him in a coffin? How could she ever face HERSELF again?! Whatever had happened to him was her fault, her stupidity! Please, Celestia, let him be alright! Let him be alive! She'd never forgive herself again if he... if he had...!

Rarity shifted course, from straight east to northeast, led on by the sixth sense which had been guiding her all this way, guiding her to Lero.

Please, please, please, let him hate her forever, as long as he was ALIVE...

Mr. 7 couldn't have telegraphed his thoughts more plainly if he'd spoken them aloud in English.

_Scream, bait! Scream, meat!_

Once again, Lero had been strung up. This time, Mr. 7 had placed him in the mouth of a cave, and he hung from a stalactite. It boggled Lero's mind that he'd survived this long. At this point, it wasn't even a matter of his having a will to live so much as his body having a refusal to die. But how long was THAT going to hold out for?

_Scream! Scream! I hunger! Scream for me!_

The spider jabbed and sliced him with his sharp spurs, more viciously than ever before. Lero had to wonder... when he died, would he go to Pony Heaven? Or Human Heaven? Or maybe it was all just one place... maybe if Rainbow Dash had killed herself, he could introduce her to his grandparents. How would that go down?

_Why don't you scream?!_

...And if ponies and humans went to the same Heaven... did that mean space aliens did too? The little grey guys they spotted in Roswell, New Mexico? That'd be fun. Heh... they ought to've made a skit comedy out of that: Space Aliens In Heaven! As good as Monty Python's Dead Parrot schtick. Heh... how strange... Lero had always figured a man's dying thoughts would be more profound than his were... but he supposed it was preferable to focusing on what was happening to him at this moment. He ought to at least try for profundity; it wasn't like he had long.

_Lord God... Heavenly Father... for whatever you did to arrange for me to wind up in this world, I thank you. In spite of everything that's happened to me today... it's been truly wonderful, living here, getting to know the ponies, and having them know me. Twilight, Lyra, Rainbow Dash... I love you all so much. Be safe._

Yes, that worked.

Incensed with frustration, the great spider stabbed Lero with a foreleg, going halfway through the shoulder. The human howled out in pain, with every inch of volume he could muster: "_!"

_**"LERO!"**_

The rock was about the size of a bowling ball, and it flew smack into the back of the spider's head. Jaws clacking angrily, Mr. 7 dropped to all sevens and skittered around to face his attacker. Down below stood a pony. Teeth bared; snorting heavily through her mouth and snout like a wounded bull, scraping the cavernous floor, again and again with an angry forehoof.

_Rarity?!_ Lero mouthed, in soundless stupefaction.

No way. It couldn't be... could it? The pony was a unicorn mare, to be sure... and the mane color was right, but she was so completely sweaty and bedraggled! As though she'd just run two marathons, back-to-back, through all kinds of weather and several bogs! He'd at first thought the color of her coat fur was spotted - brown and white - only to realize that the brown bits were old mud. And all of that was just the farthest thing from what Dash's fastidious, image-conscious, dress-designing friend WAS, right? _Right?!_

Power shone forth from Rarity's horn as she glared back at her foe, eyes bloodshot and blazing with unholy, all-consuming fury.

**_"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH MY STALLION! HOW DARE YOU HURT HIM! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY!"_**


	6. 4: Not The Rescuer He'd Expected

Mr. 7 sprang at the unicorn, all his fangs moving upwards and downwards in stabbing motions, but Rarity dodged lithely to the side. Although the spider landed with surprising grace, Rarity was perfectly positioned to blast him with the burst of magic she'd been building on her horn. It hit one of Mr. 7's mid-legs with great concussive force, and the spider buckled; Rarity ran up to the leg and bucked it hard enough for a sickening brittle _CRACK!_ to reverberate throughout the cave.

_"I'LL SQUASH YOU LIKE THE OVERSIZED BUG YOU ARE!"_ she bellowed.

From where he dangled on his stalactite, Lero swallowed wrong in shock. If someone had told him yesterday that Rarity would be fighting a giant spider... he'd have believed it. She was an Element of Harmony, after all; they got into a lot of weird stuff. But he'd have envisioned her performing either as a long-range sniper or else serving as live bait; leading the spider to where her other friends could pull off an ambush.

But THIS?! This was bloodlust. And not the apathetic, coldblooded indifference of a professional killer-for-hire, nor the controlled, tranquil icy anger you saw in some action films. No, this rage was the nuclear mushroom cloud variety. When men spoke of matadors flapping their crimson capes at bullfights, of standing between mother grizzlies and their cubs, of tossing rocks at wasps' nests... whenever men muttered, "Hell hath no fury," THIS was what they referred to.

_"YOU WERE GOING TO __EAT__ HIM!"_

Rarity was snapping stalagmites out of the cave floor with her telekinesis, hurling them at Mr. 7 as javelins.

_"YOU WERE GOING TO EAT LERO!"_

Mr. 7 was nimble enough to dodge one stalagmite, two, three, but then he put too much weight on his newly-broken leg, and fell flat. Rarity wasted no time lobbing more stalagmites; two of them embedded right in the sides of Mr. 7's thorax, while amputating part of his rear-most left leg, cutting it off at the... did you still call it a 'knee' when it was a spider?

_"RAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"_

Rarity took a running start, leapt onto Mr. 7's head, clamored onto his back and stabbed him there with her horn. Lero couldn't help frowning; although the horn pierced the spider's exoskeleton, it was like stabbing a rhino with a butter knife. But then Leo saw what looked like a jet of flamethrower fire erupt from the horn, into Mr. 7's insides, cooking him alive from within. The arachnid's legs spasmed and jittered about with no sense of unity.

She sprung back atop Mr. 7's head, trying to trample his skull into jelly... a rapid-fire quickstep, her hooves like four jackhammers drilling away at once.

_"DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE...!"_

Part of Lero's brain was trying to convince himself he must be dreaming, that any second now, he'd find himself back in front of his old TV set for another round of Sesame Street Fighter II... because it was too difficult for him to make any sense of what he was happening.

That Rarity would be fighting to save his life, yes, Lero could understand. He'd have done the same for her. But this shrieking, wild-eyed, foaming-at-the-mouth frenzy? This whole rabid rampage?! What... had Mr. 7 taken a train down a train down to Ponyville and written an unfavorable review of her Summer Lineup? Had he burned down the Carousel Boutique? Gotten Sweetie Belle hooked on witch weed?

Just what was she DOING, all the way out here in the first place?!

"Whoooaahh... waaaaah!"

The spider thrashed his head about like a bucking bronco, throwing Rarity to the ground right in front of him. Striking like a snake, the spider lunged forward and scored a deep, long bite, right on the unicorn's neck.

_**RARITY!**_ Even if Lero could no longer shout the word with his voice, he could shout it in his mind. Rarity's body was like a breathing rag doll now, unable to offer resistance as the diabolical arachnid dragged its broken body closer, and wove its web around her. One final victim Lero had lured into the evil spider's parlor... and for it to be a sweet girl like Rarity... always so generous and accepting of him in her own way... it was all he could do to cry silent tears.

_But why... WHY had Rarity come here at all?!_ the part of his mind which clung to logic still demanded to know.

Perhaps Rarity had come here WITH Rainbow as an Elements of Harmony venture? Rainbow must've decided the spider was a Discord-level threat and flown all the way to Ponyville to fetch her friends... they'd decided to linger outside, waiting for Rarity to soften Mr. 7 up for them and... and any second now, Dash and Applejack and Twilight and all the other Bearers would rush in to finish the spider off! He gazed towards the cave entrance, but there was no one. No other pony. No backup.

For whatever mad reason, it was only her.

Lero looked down, and saw Rarity's horn gleaming brilliantly through all the wrappings that Mr. 7 was hurriedly weaving over her. Mist poured into the cave; thick, obscuring fog, at the speed of a flash flood. Instead of distributing evenly throughout the cave, the fog avoided Lero, as though he were being blocked off by invisible walls.

The fog darkened to a truly ominous grey. Raw arcs of electricity crackled visibly within the fog, no, the _cloud!_ This was a _thundercloud!_ He was hanging right in the middle of an actual thundercloud, watching lightning churn and roil and expand bigger and brighter! When all the lightning blasted Mr. 7, there was a shrill, pig-like squeal from below... and a disgusting, acrid stench billowed up towards the cave roof and into Lero's nose.

The cloud flew out of the cave, returning back to the sky from whence Rarity had summoned it from. Mr. 7 was now a charred, blackened crisp, exuding smoke from his carcass. Rarity's horn glowed again, and the bit of silk connecting Lero to the stalactite broke. He was floated gently to the floor, right next to Rarity, so that he and the unicorn were face-to-face. Only, he couldn't actually see her face; there was too much cocoon.

One more time, Rarity's horn shone, but much fainter. Lero almost couldn't see its glow. A small cut opened over Rarity's mouth and nose, permitting the mare to breath. He watched her breath, in and out, laboriously. He still couldn't see anything of her eyes, though; she hadn't cut that part of the cocoon away.

A few times, Rarity's mouth would close thoughtfully, as though she were about to speak. Though he waited patiently, it seemed Rarity was just too weakened for words. In the end, Lero watched the unicorn's breathing settle into a steady rhythm, indicating she was sleeping.

He followed suite, and slept himself.

Lero awoke to noises. Hooves clacking on the cavernous floor, the shimmer of unicorn magic, the tearing of silk.

Rarity was standing upright. However much time had passed, her body had recovered from the effects of Mr. 7's venom. How Lero wished the same would hurry up and happen to him, but Rarity, bless her, had only suffered one bite. Mr. 7 had pumped so much of that stuff in Lero, he wouldn't be surprised if it now made up 15% of his bloodstream.

She'd set his back against the floor. He watched her rip the last of the cocoon off his body, thank God. Life was no fun as a mummy.

"Oh, Lero!" The first of many, many tears trickled from her eyes. "Look at you! Just LOOK at you!"

Lero bent his head down as best he could, to regard his torso, arms, and legs. He was still too paralyzed to move a thing below his neck... even a number of his facial muscles felt rather frozen. But yes, he'd certainly seen much better days.

"This is all my fault!" she sobbed. "All of it!" She lifted his body up with telekinesis, so she could envelope him in a fierce hug, throwing her face into his chest, so all her tears and snot could soak into his shirt.

"I'm SO, SO, SO SORRY!"

Lero gaped at her. He couldn't believe the earnestness, the self-conviction in her voice. Under normal circumstances, he'd have had a few questions for her, such as: _Why?! What are you apologizing for? Sitting in your Boutique and letting Rainbow and me go fly out here?! Not making my pants thick enough for all the thorns I didn't know I'd be falling through? Building the humannequin? Was the mannequin in cahoots with Mr. 7? Just what's going on?!_

"Oh!" Rarity exclaimed, suddenly aware it wasn't wise to be rough with an invalid's body. Guiltily, she lay him back down. "I'm sorry for that. How much pain are you in?"

_Quite a lot._ He tried to tell her. Instead, the most he could coax out of himself was the faintest, faintest ghost of a moan.

"Darling? Say something to me! Hate me if you want, but please answer me!"

Lero tried again, barely louder: the feeble wheeze of a dying old man with failing lungs.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

Lero stared at her pointedly and exhaled in a sad way.

"Wait, you CAN'T speak, can you?! You can't move either! Oh, CELESTIA, no!" She was blubbering worse than ever. "Was it the fall? The spider? Oh, Celestia, I'm never going to hear your beautiful voice again and it's ALL my fault! WHHHYYYYYYYY?"

Pity stabbed Lero's heart. Perhaps it was only to be expected that after all Rarity had put herself through, she would be emotionally overwrought, and not be thinking clearly. She'd just suffered a lot for his sake. He would've liked nothing more than to hug her back, dry her tears, and let her know what a hero she was for saving his life. But Lero could only blink his eyes at her.

"Hold on... did you just blink at me?"

Blink.

Sniffling, but getting herself back under control, Rarity levitated some small rocks off the cave floor. "How many pebbles am I holding up?"

Blink, blink, blink, blink.

That's right! You're aware! You can still think!" She dropped the four pebbles. "Oh, I'm so happy, I... Okay, Lero, how about... one blink means yes, two means no, alright?"

Blink.

"Please, darling, I... I have to know... can you find it in your heart to forgive me for the awful, awful thing I've done?"

Because they hadn't decided on a blink-amount that meant - _What the HELL are you even talking about?!_ - Lero settled on one blink.

Rarity's breath hitched. "You forgive me? Oh, Lero! Your goodness knows no bounds!" And she dove forward, locking lips with Lero's own.

Lero's world stopped. In the moment of that kiss, all the human's senses heightened to a supersensitive pitch, while his mind cleared completely except for two words:

Logical Explanations.

Yes: logical explanations. Ever since he'd fallen into that giant bramble patch, he'd been having to come up with a LOT of those logical explanation things, hadn't he? Between Dash going AWOL, Rarity coming to rescue him, none of Rarity's friends ALSO being there, ESPECIALLY not Dash... Rarity's EXTREME mood swings... Lero had been inventing logical explanations left and right, to explain and excuse and...

...and _rationalize_ the ever-increasing insanity of a world he thought he knew. But now came this kiss. And there was no way for him to reinterpret a kiss like this. It was the sort of kiss sailors got from their sweethearts.

Both when they set out to sea: _Never forget how much I love you!_

And when they returned from their voyage: _You've finally returned to me at long last!_

Rarity's managed to be both at once. It was long and deep and brimming with passion. There was bottomless joy and relief, love and devotion channelled into this kiss; Lero felt it all against his lips. But it had come from... **_RARITY!_**

Rarity was pleasant, Rarity was kind, Rarity was neighborly, but Rarity had **never** been interested in Lero **that way,** any more than Lero, himself, had been interested in bedding Diamond Dogs! And now here Rarity was, gazing down at Lero with the misty eyes of a soulmate!

...It was like landing in an alien world all over again. Nothing familiar to cling to.

Rarity pulled back. Then she whispered to herself: "Control, Rarity, control... he's as delicate as an egg right now." Then she knelt down.

"Lero, I... I simply must know how badly you've been hurt." Lero felt his body levitated to Rarity's eye-level. Telekinesis removed his all clothes. Rarity was ignoring how many times Lero was blinking twice.

The human remembered what it was like standing naked before each of his lovers for the very first time. For all of them - Dash, Twilight, and Lyra - before things had gotten steamy, they had all taken a moment to first observe his body, as one might first observe the landscape of a foreign planet. But Rarity's gaze was different. Hers was the look an artist would give a dear, familiar masterpiece of hers... a masterpiece that had been vandalized.

She turned her sad eyes upon him. "I'm no doctor, but I do know a _little_ healing magic. Please, let me do this for you."

There were bruises, cuts, bramble thorns that Lero hadn't had the chance to yank out of his body, (all made worse by how tightly Mr. 7 had cocooned him.) Rarity started with one of the thorns, pulling it out with telekinesis, then setting her horn against the wound and channeling magic into it so it would close properly. Her healing magic felt very soothing. Every now and then, she would lay a tender kiss upon a wound or bruise before setting her healing horn against it.

"Feel any better?" she asked, when she was finished.

He blinked in the affirmative. He _did_ feel better; quite a few steps further from Death's door.

"I'm glad. We need to get you to a hospital. There should be one in Bramblewood Town. Now how to bring you there without jostling you...? Ah! I know!"

First, she cast a spell on both herself and Lero. He recognized the particular tingle of this spell: it was the cloud-walking spell. Next, she aimed her horn towards the sky and brought some clouds down, pushing them together into a platform. She levitated Lero gently onto the platform, then hopped on herself.

"Up we go!" she said, and with another shot of magic, their platform rose into the sky, higher and higher, until they were back at the same part of the upper atmosphere he'd been in with Dash.

"There!" she said, pointing down at the town. Right down there, do you see?"

He couldn't, because he was at a bad angle. He was also remembering, very vividly, what free-fall felt like. Even Rarity could see the panic on his face.

"Oops! Almost forgot!"

And she magicked a set of safety belts over Lero's body. Also made of cloud.

"Now we'll just float down to Bramblewood Town as softly as a sunbeam, and... oh wait! Er, one more stop! Just one!"

Softly as a sunbeam, they floated down to the banks of a picturesque river. The water was clear and clean-looking, and there was no one else to be seen.

"Forgive me, my darling, but fighting that spider has left me unbelievably filthy!" She lifted a foreleg, grimacing at a mud stain. "I'm not even fit to be seen in public, let alone bring you before a doctor! Please indulge me, I swear I'll be quick!"

Lero blinked a yes. Truth be told, he was rather relieved: at least THIS part of Rarity's personality hadn't changed! The unicorn hopped in the river, humming a tune as she cleaned herself. She even magicked a small raincloud over her head to act as a shower, and then expertly conjured a brisk, warm breeze to serve as her blow-dryer.

From where she had left him, a few feet away on the cloud platform, Lero tilted his neck, watching all the mud caked on Rarity's body dissolve away. There was so MUCH of it! What kind of places had she gone through to accumulate it all?! Certainly not by cloud travel!

She glanced over her shoulder and spotted him staring at her.

_"Lero!"_ she exclaimed, with a very flattered and flirtatious grin. "The _state_ you're in, and all you can think to do is ogle me as I bathe? You're incorrigible, my love!"

Then she waggled her flank for him. Had he the ability, Lero would have screamed in shock, as he watched one last splotch of mud slide off Rarity's coat, revealing the rainbow-thunderbolt underneath.


End file.
